I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
