A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I could fuck to npr.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
