mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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