I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
