Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
