I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
