bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
