the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Be still, my beating vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
