i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
