Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it because I queefed?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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