Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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