so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
