Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
