I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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