More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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