I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
