OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
