The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
