Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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