Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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