ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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