I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
