She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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