U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is wine microwaveable?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
