So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
