haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
