mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
