You smell like a Billy Joel song
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
