did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
