i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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