good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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