she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
