the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
