Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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