Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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