Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
