Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
