Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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