3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
