She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
