I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
