So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
