Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
