physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
