Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
