Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
