He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
