You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
