my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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