Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
