I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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