from now on my penis is your penis
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're like the curious george of whores
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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