I should be sponsored by Trojan
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
