It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
