you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Congratulations! We have a period
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