I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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