i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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