So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
