quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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