Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
