So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
