honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
