So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
