i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
