i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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