the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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