help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
