oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
please don't ironically join a cult
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