i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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