im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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