you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
