We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
