The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
