your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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