I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
