im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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