You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize