I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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