I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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