your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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