dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm too high and old for this...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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