There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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