well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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