battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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