she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
